Friday, March 25, 2011
The Best Friend
"Do me a favour and act like you are not what everyone deems you to be. The reason why I'm telling you this and so up in the ass about it is because I presume I should be the closest person to you and therefore I will be the first one to tell you this so blantantly to your face."
When I said for you to do me a favour, I am in other words saying to you to goddammit fking listen to me for once in your life and prove to the others wrong about what they are saying about you. Do me that favour if you really view me as your best friend just as I have regarded you all these years. For if you don't start by helping yourself first, don't expect me to either.
Obviously you weren't going to listen again. I wonder why I actually bothered. I wonder why it actually bugs me so much. Instead of trying to see it from my point of view, you aired your grievances to the whole damn world by saying that I didn't defend you and that you would have if the tables had been turned because you trust and believe in me. And if just attacking me alone wasn't satisfying enough for you, you proceeded to dig a deeper hole to drag everyone else down alongside with you.
"You mthrfkers continue to watch and wilt in jealousy wishing you have the same kind of charm and luck to meet the kind of people I know in my life who are hell-bent on pampering me without me wanting or and having the need to ask for it. Just because you would exploit if you are in my position doesn't mean everyone else will do the same. And guess what? That's why you are NOT in my position."Well done man. Well done.
Do you seriously think that highly of yourself?
Is being labeled a gold-digger an achievement to be proud of?
Have you ever taken a step back to re-examine yourself instead since everyone seems to think of you the same way?
Do you know the real reason why they are not in your position?
That's because they are choosing not to be.
Do you honestly honestly think that the rest of the other girls are lacking in suitors because they are uglier than you? Take for instance a newspaper report about dozens of men being swindled by 1 woman. More often than not most people's first reaction would be that the woman was not even pretty to begin with and yet she managed to amass a bunch of men who would give up the world just for her.
"I'm not taking his money to spend on my shopping. It's just for my hotel accommodation."
Seriously, how much difference does that make?
"I'm not borrowing money from him. I think I told you before but you may have missed it but he was already planning to fund my whole trip from the start."
Does that actually make you feel better? It's as good as saying it's your prerogative to spend his cash just because you're his girlfriend is it not?
"I have decided that I'm going to fool around until he proves himself worthy."
All this just because he told you not to cut your hair? Telling him to draft an exit plan out of the relationship if he only likes you for your looks? But weren't your looks the one thing that you're truly proud of? The asset that has elevated you to your "gold-digging" achievements which you embrace so dearly? The reason to everyone's wilting in jealousy?
You know what pisses everyone off? It's the fact that you totally have no regard for the well-being of your partner. I asked you why did you let him pay for your hotel accommodation when I offered you my place to stay since you didn't have the money to pay for it in the first place. You answered, "then you expect me to lie to him or be rude if he asks?"
You're not answering my question the way I asked it. And why are you being defensive if you really feel you are doing the right thing?
Stop being so self-centered.
That was the last thing I said to you.
You turned a supposedly happy occasion of welcoming an old friend back from overseas into a funeral by breaking down and sobbing at the table in full view of public, displaying your discontent at some teasing and bullying from a colleague, when there were people present at that very same table who were going through a lot worse things in life but yet chose not to air their problems as they did not want to upset everyone else's mood and take the focus out of the celebration.
The night when we were all supposed to meet for a late night dinner that was pre-planned 3 weeks in advance and that was to become the night I got proposed to, I said to you, "I understand that you're not feeling well but I hope that you can still come."
I was worried. I was upset. I confided in you. You told me you didn't want to spend the money to cab down just to have a dinner. You said you wouldn't be eating anyway.
Last week after the devastating earthquake in Japan, I had alot of concerned people asking about my wellbeing. I have to admit that I was scared as well but I reassured everyone that things were fine to avoid them worrying too much for me because it's just too much for me to handle. So I turned to you for support. I spoke about the real dangers and the actual situation here. You said you were very sad because Japan is your favourite place. You said you were planning to postpone your shopping trip here. You said you were eating alot these days. You said you were fat.
So what else did you say? You said you bet those people meant nothing to you. And if they did, then they would weigh alot lesser now. Funny how you should say that when you were the one who came crying to me when some guy you just met didn't want to be your friend anymore. You told me you were upset about losing a friend and yet now you're so quick to lash out and drop those very people who were genuinely your friends. People who were genuinely concerned for you from the bottom of their hearts. People who were asking why you are behaving the way you are now and how different you are from the person they first got to know. That was the last straw for me.
Let's face it. You admitted you weren't into this guy but you went ahead with it as you felt you had a lot to learn from him, he had a stable career, he knows what he wants in the future, he just bought a new house, he's perfect husband material. Fair nuff.
You refused to get back with your ex claiming that although you loved him alot more, however he didn't possess any form of qualifications, he was too stupid, he could never afford to marry you. Fair nuff.
I told you time and time again to seriously consider about your future as you are no longer young and have yet to find someone to settle down with. Nobody likes the idea of growing old and dying alone. "I'm not going to marry. Marriage scares me" was your reply. So then if you have no intention whatsoever of marrying this guy you are dating now, then DON'T take his money.
Don't string them along if you have no intention of being together with them. Don't put yourself in a compromising position. Don't come complaining to me about things not going your way. Don't come crying to me when something happens after you didn't listen to my advice to you. How many times have I gone out to meet you in the middle of the night to hear you bitch and cry and pour your heart to me? How many times have I advised and forseen some outcomes for you? I'm not a seer to predict your future nor do I give the best advice in the world but know that all those times whenever you shed a tear, my words to you were always in your best interests.
... So I'll tell you now. It's because I don't believe nor trust whatever you say now. I gotta say that I agree with everyone else. The way you've been acting and the state that you've deteriorated to. I find it hard to believe that you're the same person I met years ago that I've come to care so much for.
If you really think that I would still side you regardless of whether you were wrong or right based on the fact that you're my best friend, it just goes to show that you still don't know me well enough. That's probably because it was always about you in all the past conversations we had. Each time I attempted to tell you about a problem I was facing, it will always change to how you are not anywhere far off or worse than me.
When it comes to Japan, shopping, men and your own money, you act like you have no friends. All your bitching was just to garner support and sympathy or to insinuate to the world how desirable you are to all the men out there. You have absolutely no plans whatsoever to solve your own problems. You're just sitting there hoping to get the best out of everything without even doing anything. And if all else fails, you know that you will have your backup plans of smitten men who are hell-bent on catching you when you fall.
Earning 3k a month to give to your family and finding a man who will support you or your family for the rest of your lives? Take a step down from your pedestal and get your head out of the clouds. It's marring your vision.
With that said, I think I've had about enough.
Bitchin' @ 9:30 PM
Friday, February 25, 2011
I think once is enough
Hey peeps,
I know I haven't been updating this blog for a really, really long time. So I thought I'll start again. (though I don't think I can update it regularly)
Well, lots of things have changed of late. I think by now most of you would have probably known that I'm currently residing in Tokyo. I swear that learning a new language has got to be the most painful thing ever. I was even thinking of picking up French after Japanese but I'm really having second thoughts about it now lol.
I think the worst thing about conversing in the language here is that the Japanese are way too polite to correct your mistakes even when you let them know prior that you'd appreciate it. I've been doing self study every single day. In the mornings before work starts, during lunch breaks and after work. It's awfully painful.
It doesn't really help much that I'm an introvert to begin with so I don't speak much to my colleagues and they don't speak much to me either. Hell, they don't even speak to the French dude next to me although he's a grad from Waseda University and speaks fluent Japanese. Sometimes I wonder if they have this... I wouldn't exactly call it a dislike for foreigners but more of like they tend to shun things that are non-Japanese, preferring to stick to "safe" boundaries. I don't know I get that kinda vibes.
Next week, Arnie is coming to look for me and subsequently 2 weeks later the Drumma Queen. I think I haven't been able to be myself all this time here so I'm looking forward to seeing them and making some noise. I'm starting to worry that I may have forgotten how to speak English altogether now.
Come next week I'll probably have some pics to upload but in the meantime, I need to head back to my books.
めんどうくせな。。。
Bitchin' @ 10:52 PM
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Sweet Dreams Are Made of These
This year's bday was a little different from the past. I thought I'd hang out the night before with a bunch of gal pals at some new club in town.
Tried my hand at pole dancing.
But I think Mabel's friends did better.
Ppl in the smoking room were, I think the most pissed drunk of the lot cos they started singing and planting kisses on my hand wishing me a happy birthday. Another guy was also celebrating his bday. His name's Ashwin so they sang bday songs for 2 Ashes.
And just when the happy hour for ladies was over, I had the luck of conning a guy to buy me drinks for the rest of the night as well as give me a free cab ride home.
So I went home to open up my omelette present with the oh so lovely card.
It's the Chrome Hearts furry wallet I've always wanted but nv bought cos it was too expensive.
I knew there'd be some catch to it.
I want to thank from the bottom of my heart the 5 who burnt a hole in their pockets for the spoilt little ol' me.
Sakazaki - For noticing the hole in my current wallet and for never losing her temper at me whenever I'm selfish. And for lending me her lighters all the time. I've been a real ass at times but u nv seem to mind so I will continue to abuse you. That's what nan rens are for.
Drumma Queen - For noticing the shape of my face pressed on the Chrome Hearts wallets' glass display cabinet everytime we step in the shop. And for putting up with my nonsense all this while but sorry to say that it's not going to stop anytime soon.
Felicia - For being the best work partner I've ever had and covering up for me. And also for trying to make me feel better everytime I bomb money into HDB telling me I've got assets. I wish the assets were on my chest instead tho.
Frankie - For being the most unexpected contributor to the present. Did Drumma Queen put you up to this? With a knife to your throat? Or a curse that your dick will fall off or bleed when u pee? Thank you nevertheless.
Feudie - I know you forked out the most for this. I also know you probably didn't even know what you were paying for but still went ahead with it cos I have your WoW account password.
I can't thank you guys enough.
The best part of the day? Enjoying brunch with Feudie on a lazy rainy afternoon.
I wouldn't trade that for anything else in the world. Bitchin' @ 12:10 AM
Beggar Samurai.
